It's been seven hours and fifteen days... well, not really, but you get my point. Like someone missing a loved one, I am missing the sweet semi-filtered feeling of a warm liquid-smoke filling my lungs - because nicotine - nothing compares to you. I really mean that.
I'm trying my very best. I'm keeping myself off the fags by watching as many films as possible, trying to keep my mind active and by doing so stave off the boredom that makes me physically need to have a fag in my hand. It's one of the things I've come to realise over the past few weeks - that the difficulty is realising what things trigger the need to go and have a fag. For me it's any number of things:
- Boredom - a big problem with giving up smoking is fighting the inclination to go and have a fag when you're feeling a bit bored... as though somehow having a cigarette is exciting. Daft, really.
- A release and a break - when busy, it's sometimes good just to do something different. Going to have a fag is a break; it gets you away from your desk, takes your mind off your current problem, marks a point in what you're doing as a boundary between one thing and another.
- Habit. Yes, I normally have a couple of fags (or four) before I get into work, but I can't any more.
- Nicotine withdrawal! Yes, I know this sounds obvious BUT there are few self-help books that seem to indicate that THIS is a reason to want a cigarette. It's not just habit - it's not just boredom. It's an addiction; real not imagined.
Stopping smoking blogger does well!
So, I'm fighting a lot of things that seem to be against me. Oh, and any sign that I might feel better or fitter are just dreams on the horizon at the moment. Can't believe right now that it's going to come, either. I don't feel so bad, physically, so it isn't really a big motivator for me.
I also confess to having a sneaky fag the other day. I had nothing better to do, I nicked a fag off a nearby drunk and I smoked half of it. Yes, only half - and considering I could have smoked the whole thing I think that's a reason to feel pretty good about myself.
Here's hoping I can continue giving up fags!